This blog represents equal parts personal journey, exploration, growth and learning, sharing, and probably much more.

I am thinking that I will write here on this topic as often as possible at least for one year. If it goes well, maybe I can select a new direction for 2008, with the hope that by then, I will have “practiced gratitude” and embedded it into my daily life.

I may find time to research this a bit more, but I wanted to jot my quick thoughts on the role gratitude plays in healing — at least for me.

Whether healing physically, spiritually, or emotionally… it always seems to be about restoring balance to oneself. Balance is often restored by bringing back that which is missing, or that which has been lost along the way.

With many illnesses, for example, it is imperative to rest and release stress from one’s life. To be cared for, to eat well, to sleep well. For some odd reason, these are all things we seem so willing to sacrifice for the modern conveniences we find ourselves so attached to.

I am working through a different yet just as critical mending… the mending of my heart and my spirit. I am seeking a sense of self that lies at the center of a storm of loss.

It is not my goal or aim to define myself as the victim of this storm, yet I fully recognize how indelibly altered my life is now. I will not be defined by the losses, but by my reaction to them… not by the ashes of what has burned down around me, but by the structures that I rebuild in their places.

That being said, there is also great pain along the way. The risk we deal with when faced with pain is the tendency to avoid pain. Buddhism teaches us that much of what we think of as life really amounts to being attracted to pleasure and repelled by pain.

If all we do in life is run towards pleasure and away from pain, we do not evolve. Without pursuing the evolution of one’s spirit, we cannot hope to help anyone, let alone ourselves. Such a life will certainly be filled with its share of misery, and such misery only poisons the many lives it touches.

I don’t say these things lightly. I feel now, looking back, that much of my own life in recent years was characterized by such activity. This running to and from… this motion is also rife with fear. Fear of pain, fear of the unknown.

To work through any of this, one has to learn how to stay with a situation no matter how unpleasant. One must learn to stay with one’s pain in order to move through it.

In order to heal, and to mend… you just have to stay with it and work through it, which is especially difficult when our culture is full of ways to avoid pain, and is full of distractions.

What is equally important here for me is that I do not allow myself to “use” spirituality as a way out of the hurt, but rather as a way to sustain myself while travelling this difficult path, and hopefully for long after.

Gratitude is one element of this sustenance for me.

It is a way to reflect and observe and explore all the many ways in which we are nourished day in and day out. It is not a way to put on blinders to my own pain, or the pain of my friends and family, or the world around me.

As I write about and link to stories, prayers, meditations and other works on the topic of gratitude, I am working on regaining a balance in my life. Over time, it is my hope that this renewed balance will in turn nourish, support and promote the healing and mending that lies ahead.

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I have with me this evening a funny memory… I recall being scolded as a child “you better count your blessings, young man”.

Those words never really made a lot of sense as a child. I understand so much more now, of course. I understand much more deeply now what losses and hardships my parents likely experienced as children. And I understand that they offered me and my sisters a lot of love, and were likely dismayed to see us do what all children tend to do from time to time, complain.

I guess this is part of the reason I smile tonight when I hear them saying this to me in my memory. I know it was all just part of the path we walked together. How little did I ever truly realize that the real blessing was just having them near me in time and space.

It’s a painful lesson to learn, but if I can keep it close to my heart and synchronize with it to enjoy my time with my own children all that much more, then it has been worth the pain.

And the truth of the matter is that it is a blessing to be with anyone. To receive a smile, hear their voice, get an email sent from them… friends, lovers, family, new acquaintances, and even strangers. When you melt away all the white noise and chaos of our day to day lives, it really is all that matters… that connectedness we feel - or want to feel so deeply in our souls.

One of the reasons I wanted to write this blog this year was to spend some time observing all the gifts in my life.

So it may have taken me a while longer than my father would have liked, but I am here to tell you, I am finally “counting my blessings” :)

I came across this today after following a link provided by a friend… and wanted to share here.

From SPIRITUAL BELIEFS OF THE CHEROKEE:

The “Way of the Circle” has been passed down from generation to generation and is represented in all the Cherokee stories, myths and legends and other forms of teaching.

When you arise each morning, give thanks to the Creator, to the four sacred directions, to Mother Earth and Father Sky and all your relations.

Remember that all things are connected.

All things have a purpose.

Honor others by treating them with kindness; always assume a guest is tired, cold or hungry. Provide them with the best of what you have to offer.

If you have more than what you need, then give the excess to another who is in need.

Your word is your honor, do not break your word unless permission is granted by those you promise something to.

Always seek harmony and balance in all things.

Share with others.

Practice silence and patience.

Practice modesty in all things; boasting and loud behavior is not acceptable.

Always ask permission and give thanks for all received.

Always show respect and be aware of all things around you.

Do not stare at others, drop your eyes as a sign of respect, especially in the presence of elders, teachers or honored persons.

Always greet a friend in passing.

Never criticize or talk about anyone in a harmful way.

Never touch something that belongs to another without permission.

Always respect the privacy of others.

Never interrupt someone talking, it shows lack of patience, control and respect.

Listen with your heart.

Always remember that a smile is sacred.

Live each day as it comes.

Neither kill nor harbor angry thoughts.

Do what needs to be done now, not later.

I made it out today for a short run - all of 30 minutes or so.

Running in the ice and snow is very different from running in sunny and warm weather.

• Snow absorbs sound… but the silence speaks. As it has been said, “silence is the voice of God”.
• The human body is amazing - the brain’s ability to create its own pharmaceuticals is also pretty amazing. Exercise is a great anti-depressant. Too bad it’s just so hard to do when you’re already depressed :)
• The harsher your environment, the better it is to know your route. This probably goes for life too - if you are in a bad spot in life - it is wise to have clear short term goals. Even just day to day or minute to minute, if that’s what it takes.
• Give yourself time to warm up. Time is everything. Be patient… and go with it.